Be The Dreamer

As most everyone who knows me knows, I am a dreamer.

Since I was ten years old I have dreamt of becoming the next Miranda Priestly (if you don’t know who that is, shame on you). I was extremely verbal about what I was going to be (an Executive Editor, if not the Editor In Chief) and where I was going to work (New York City). And, as you can imagine, when I was ten years old it was perfectly fine to have such big dreams because it was praised for being imaginative and goal-oriented. So, then why is it that once I hit my college years, not only clinging to, but working towards, my lifelong dream, that all of a sudden it was far-fetched? Had I not been writing, researching and copy editing for more hours than I could count? Had I not foraged Ed 2010 for every possible internship listing in New York? Had I not made my dreams of journalism and the magazine industry the forefront of not only my college experience, but of myself as a person?

You see, everyone who knows me knows that I live and breathe for glossies [that’s what we in the industry refer to good old fashioned magazines as]. It’s the way they smell fresh off the press and how something as simple as the font is really not simple at all. It’s how hours of research and conversations and learning beyond what goes in print is put into a single article. It’s about the feeling I got when I saw my tagline for the very first time. And it’s about the moment I got my offer from Men’s Health.

Something happened tonight that really got me thinking and reflecting on how far I’ve come with my dream, not only in the past seven months of living in a city that I once only had the privilege of seeing while I slept, but since the days of soccer games and barbies and nothing more than the all-knowing words of “just you wait and see, that will be me one day.”

So yeah, I was one of those people who was crazy enough to think they could create a life plan based off of a movie written and produced by professionals. I can’t tell you the number of times I had been scoffed at for being so sure when I spoke of what I wanted to do and the path that I had chosen while everyone else my age was fumbling over which major to choose. All my peers–and everyone younger and older for that matter–made it very clear that I was aiming too high–that I shouldn’t seek something so far out of reach because it would lead to nothing more than disappointment. All I can say is, thank god I’m stubborn and didn’t let them get to me.

And my hope is that no one will get to you either, whoever you are, and whatever your dream may be. I say this because there’s something profound in believing in something so wholeheartedly that it gives you the power of perseverance to bring your passion to life.

And I say this because something happened tonight.

“I have some great news…whenever you can call me I’d love to tell ya :)”

The second I stepped off the subway and into the chilly New York autumn air, I scanned over my Favorites and pressed his name. As I walked past so many of the places that I’d walked hand-in-hand with him just a few days ago, remembering and wishing he was still here, I eagerly awaited the sound of his voice and the reveal of the big news.

Here’s the thing–I’ve known all along (literally since the first day we met when he was jokingly convinced that he’d marry me one day because we were both in love with media and that was somehow a sign) that he has a passion for film. However, even with his excitement evident, I found myself interjecting with questions that may have seemed like nothing to him but as soon as they left my mouth, I realized that in that v e r y moment I’d become the people who had always tried to bring me down to Earth. And in that moment I felt nauseous and repulsed and at a loss of words…until of course I saw my Macbook and knew I needed to write about it.

There’s a reason behind the madness that brought me–ever so briefly–to the point of being fractionally discouraging when it comes to dreams. You see, I’ve known people who claim to care so deeply about their supposed life passions, but take no initiative to breathe life into them, not even when I do everything I can to try to help them get closer to making their dream a reality. That’s just the kind of person I am, I want to see someone get as passionate as I do about their career. I’ve always wanted to see someone with not only passion, but a plan. I wanted to meet myself I suppose.

Considering I’ve always preached about how we’re the same person, it escapes me as to why I ever doubted his pursuit of his dream, but I’ll admit that I did in the same small dark corner of my mind that fears the past will repeat itself and nothing will ever be enough. In the corner of my mind that thinks rationally and completely irrationally at the same time. The one small corner of my mind that idealism and fairytales and grand gestures and dreams come true have escaped.

Anyways, the point is, there’s something about him. And although I’ve always known about his love of shooting videos and how adorable he looks half-hidden behind his director’s cue, it wasn’t until tonight that it really hit me. He’s industrious and has an eye for captivating angles. He’s the person everyone’s honking at while he stands in the middle of a  New York intersection during rush hour in hopes of getting the perfect mix of pedestrians and taxis. He’s the person who crouches down on highway overpasses to capture a segment through a slit in the railing and hangs from light poles to shoot the crosswalk sign in transition. He’s the person who stares out of subway windows with pure wonder in his eyes. He’s the person who sees potential everywhere. Any shoot he can get his hands on, even as a PA, he’s there. And I don’t say “even” as a bad thing, I say it with such pride because I have so much respect for the people who care enough about their chosen path that they see every opportunity as a stepping stone and won’t let it pass them by. He’s not like so many people our age claiming to care, but not willing to put in the work. No, he’s a videographer–it’s more than a passion, it’s dedication and dreams. And I feel so lucky to be the one by his side to cheer him on and watch it all start to really unfold.

So, tonight I learned some things:

  1. I’m not the only dreamer in the world.
  2. Even dreamers can have moments of doubt.
  3. As soon as you realize that’s what’s happening, run as fast as you can in the other direction–and by that I mean float up into the clouds fully supporting their every endeavor and motivating them to make a plan because us dreamers need to stick together.
  4. Just because the past may have proven otherwise doesn’t mean the future has to–do everything you can to hold on to idealism and dreams come true.
  5. Somehow I know.

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